if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
