I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
