but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
