omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize