I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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