There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize