Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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