we have officially lost it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
