Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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