i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
