my shit smells like andre
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
