does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
