How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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