Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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