i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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