mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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