8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
