I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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