i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
