I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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