I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize