These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
