she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
