1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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