so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
