What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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