What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just tell him i said nine months
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Im part way to drunk.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
