i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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