we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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