this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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