i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
