fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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