oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
