So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
