Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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