So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
