I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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