Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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