Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
