I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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