he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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