They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
