batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
