If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
