if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
