Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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