he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
