How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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