hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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