the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
