I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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