More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
