So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
