Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
