I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
