I looked at my own cervix.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think i have two assholes
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
