I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
