I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
