yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
