goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
