so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize