I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
