Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
