I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
