I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
