Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She announced her abortion via fbk
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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