we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
