he was CRYING into my vagina
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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