Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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