Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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