She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
