At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
