super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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