I am full of burrito and curiosity
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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