I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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