Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
